Changing priorities

How my priorities have changed over the decades:

Teens
Music
Girls
Grades

20's
Money
Windsurfing
Girls

30's
Money
Position in the company
Girls - which turned into wife!

40's
Money
Quality time, especially with kids
Not dealing with somebody elses political agenda bullshit, but how to get them to deal with mine
Hey, what happened to the girls?

Off to SinCity

This weekend I've got a trip to Las Vegas planned with college friends who I'll call the N group. It's been about 14 years since our last trip, and since then some of us have raised kids, advanced our careers (some of us even retired), gotten remarried or remained single. Typical stuff, but thank god no one in this little group has passed away yet. It used to be an annual event for 4 years. I think the last year we went we celebrated one of the guy's divorce. She treated him badly anyways and he's better off without her. Except for the fact that she had about 10,000 shares of her father's company, and the price took off like a rocket for years after that. She's pretty well off now while he's still scraping out a living with his new wife. On the other hand, another of the guys did so well trading stock options over the years that he retired several years ago and stays home to take care of the kids. He has a very nice family and lives in a nice house.

So now that we're middle aged, it's time to go back to LV with the guys, gamble and go to bars. Back in the day, we would stay up all night gambling, sometimes sleeping only hours for the whole trip. The hotel rooms were largely unused, except for a shower or for the guy who lost too much too early. So this time we've got just one room; I'm a little worried that we wont be able to keep up the pace we had in our late twenties and then we'll end up having to all use the room at the same time. Not looking forward to sleeping in the same bed with these guys, another sign that I'm just a lot older now.

The funny thing about getting together with old friends is that so many things that were 20 years ago still are. The old pecking order, alliances, things I liked about these guys and things I couldnt stand are all still in place. Some things never change. The same funny stories come out, though they seem to get a bit exaggerated. I've made up a few "details" myself in some of the retells, perhaps just to keep them from getting boring or worn. Hopefully this trip yields a few good stories on it's own.

College friends

Went out last night with friends from college, I'll call this the T group. Back in the day we used to hang out at dances and concerts and dated some of the same girls. It was the first time years I've gone out with them. Catching up on stories was good. We continued discussion on the aftermath of one of our passing and how his widow is holding up. Discussion turned to careers and directions of such, and difficulties of ML. Then we went out looking at the lines of people trying to get into clubs, essentially checking out the girls. They looked great, but they also looked so young. And we realized we were a lot pickier 25 years ago. Last night we just stared directly; we didnt even try to be cool and look the other way. When you're older you dont have to, and they're not looking back at you anyway. One of the guys had to leave at 1:00a cause his wife wanted him home. Oh well, it happens. Somehow the rest of us ended up staying out till 5:00am. When can we do it again guys, in another 20 years?

High School Friends

In April, a high school friend passed away. Although we went our separate ways years ago after college and I hadnt seen him for many years, it hit me pretty hard. It's difficult for his wife and 3 kids as you can imagine. Because we lost touch before he got married, unfortunately I dont know his widow or family. I think if I called her we'd both feel awkward. Though I feel obligated to help, I dont know what she needs and she certainly wouldnt feel comfortable asking help of a stranger. I've heard that there are a lot of people who learn about her husbands passing who call her and it's hard for her to recount the story over and over while she's still in mourning. I guess the best thing I can do at this point is send money. Seems so impersonal though.

I wondered why it is that it hit me so hard; I hadnt seen him for so long. But I realize that the time we were close friends was the time we grew from young teenagers to young adults. That was the time we started driving, going out with girls, preparing for college. Looking back, those years were great. And I remember my friend from those great times, those years of our early adult life. He was always somebody you wanted to have around, who was interested in what you were doing or thinking. And he was a funny guy, really charming. And he could eat eat eat... I'll always have a strong memory of him. Those were really good times, I'm glad we were friends.

I've been getting together with old friends from high school and college since then. Before April, I didnt think it was important. Never thought that I would not have an opportunity to catch up. Now I realize that what seemed like days or months has really been months and years. The rate at which time passes is accellerating, and life is not so long after all. Guess it's time to live life like every day is the last.

Anyone ever thought about this?

I am in a midlevel management position for a large company and one strategic objective for the next year is to cut costs. Dramatically. That means that lots of high paying jobs are going away and not coming back. I've worked very hard to put together a highly skilled and talented team who can react quickly and handle just about anything that comes up. It's frustrating to not get recognition for it and instead have to deal with idealistic pinheads in upper management who set policy. I have a large ethical problem with sending highly technical jobs overseas. What will those who lose their high tech careers in the US do? I have discussed moving into lower tech with several colleagues; retail, real estate, establishing a p*rn or online gambling website. And at some point our local economy has got to suffer. The jobs/money is going overseas, not to be spent in the US anymore. I think there will be a catastrophic crash in real estate.

Internal office politics is time consuming and a large part of daily overhead. What happened to the days when we had real work to do satisfying customer needs or building products? Justifying current plans, fighting off hairbrained ideas from higher management, showing how we already line up against corporate initiatives... While alignment is important, in our company it takes up so much time of highly paid people I wonder whether there's much return on the investment.

Why not?

Just on the cusp of 45, I've found that my viewpoints are changing on everything. What was once fun is now scary. There was always enough time, now it seems days are short and few. Events that take place are deadly serious now. Midlife crisis in progress? You decide.